Cold Shower

Bathroom door slams.  “It sure would be nice if I could take a flippin’ shower in this house!!!” Bedroom door slams.

I’ve been irritable for a couple of days now, partly because the water heater is out and partly for no apparent reason at all.  I threw on some clothes, stormed out of the house and drove to school.  Spring term has not started yet, but I needed some peace and I knew my friend would be there to listen even if I probably smelled like I just took a roll at the landfill.

Bipolar disorder is definitely not an easy disorder to live with.  Know what makes it harder to live with?  Raising an adolescent (HORMONES!!!) daughter that is also bipolar!!!  Some days I am sure that we will kill each other.  There have been days, like today, where I had to leave the house or I would have hurt someone.

So, yes, it is manageable with medication, therapy and knowing that I may not be able to “control” my emotions but I am capable of controlling my actions (for the most part).  Otherwise you would have seen me on the news by now searching for my “lost child”.  I know I’m not the best mother in the world, but with the issues I have to deal with between the two of us and the fact that I have raised a fairly confident, strong-willed, somewhat independent young woman thus far (basically a fighter), I believe I should be nominated for some type of Mother of the Year award, even if it’s bipolar mother of the year. 🙂